Yoga and Fitness Journey
My journey has been long and winding. I’ve had a very tumultuous relationship with self discipline. And I’ve used both yoga and my body as a measurement of my own progress. Haha bad move… The older I get the more I accept that life happens and it’s OK to wind around an unforeseen road. It’s those blind spots that bring opportunities larger than our own vision for ourselves. But I still have goals that I want to achieve and that has pushed me to be more realistic about my expected results and time frame. It also makes me question why I need that “perfect” body by that sooner rather than later date. Or the super strong, flexible yoga practice that somehow makes me think I would be a better teacher, which is also not the case.
What this yoga and fitness journey has taught me is I have to be brave. I also have to stand in my insecurities as a teacher and student and be OK with it. What I am embracing slowing each day is working on my inner rather than my outer. And doing the work to stay connected with my internal communication. Asking myself through meditation, journaling and just plain silence what I need to heal and feel whole.
What am I healing?
My past, upbringing, past lives and even generational habits, beliefs and pattern. It took me until my late 20’s to let go of blaming others and take responsibility for all future healing. Every time I felt abandoned, hurt or wronged in the past is now my responsibility to heal and protect myself from repeating old patterns. And it really is hard to do, intellectually I get it but physically it can feel like pouring salt in an open wound at times. And I get scared “I am not enough” to heal me. That something outside of me must sway so I’d find my freedom but that’s just not the case. I am enough and I am the only one equipped to handle my healing. It’s my responsibility to not allow my hurt to seep into my interactions with other and to protect myself and make healthier choices in the future.
This really pushes me to accept myself as I am now. For years all this pain and the weight of healing gave me such anxiety daily. And freedom from this anxiety is me welcoming myself with open arms. If I let go of that perceived pressure I don’t feel anxious but my external will take much longer to manifest. And the inner “striver” in me needs to take a chill pill while I build up my spiritual palace.
Each day I grow softer with compassion towards myself and patience and simplicity in the process.
So how does this apply to you?
I tell my story so you know you are not alone if you face anxiety or have doubts about your ability to be successful. Use meditation, writing it out or talking to a friend to create that space of healing for yourself. And look internally for the strength to build a great external foundation. Its real easy to abandon this practice but be patient and check in with yourself each day to see if you are OK. The more you do it the less you will require others to do so, limiting your need to have external validation to be the measurement of your success.
What do I do?
I navigate the internal world and it can feel like a hot mess at times but self confidence starts there. Navigating those internal murky water takes time while getting to know the most underdeveloped part of yourself. In my yoga classes I teach a meditation that helps others create a space to work with themselves and find calm and peace. We all have it in us and deserve to choose a life pattern of peace and growth rather than turmoil.